Knowing

I lost one of the most precious jems in my life today. My mother passed away this afternoon. I don't really know where to start or what I want to say but I know this is one place I want to put a few of my thoughts and feelings.

Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2005. She proceeded with the typical treatments surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and for a period of time she was deemed "cancer free". She was so excited to have won her fight!

In November of 2008 she began to feel ill... upon further investigation cancer was again found. This time it was in her liver and bones... and it wasn't bone cancer nor liver cancer. It was breast cancer in her liver and bones. So in January we were informed that Mom was terminal.

I felt very fortunate to know in advance that Mom was leaving us. Knowing gave us the the opportunity to make the end GREAT, to say goodbye, to create some lasting memories! We took the opportunity and had some wonderful times.

I took the opportunity to go to Ireland with my mother and sister. Our ancestors trace back to Ireland and it had always been one of Mom's dreams to go to Ireland. We had a wonderful time! The highlight of our trip was the Dunluce Castle built by the McQuillans'. I am very thankful for everyone who helped me be able to make the trip with her and create this fabulous memory!

I must say "knowing" she was terminal didn't really make loosing her today any easier. Knowing there is a Heavenly Father and a Savior who loves us made loosing her today easier. Knowing I will see her again, knowing she can watch me and see my children grow up from heaving makes loosing her today easier. Knowing she loved me and will continue to love me makes loosing her today easier. Knowing she lived her life well, was a wonderful example to me, my siblings, my children and all those around her makes loosing her today easier.

There will be days when... she would have stood beside me and my children; I will want to call her to hear her voice; I will want to seek her advice; she would have called or texted just to say she loved me. These days will make me sad and I may possibly shed a tear or two but "knowing" will help me get through those days and "knowing" will help me get through today!

I lost a precious gem today. It can never be replaced. It touched my life. It made the world a better place. It left behind a Legacy. I am honored to call this precious gem Mother!